#006
Well. Happy one year anniversary to the last HYPERFIX! Remember when we were so stoked on the first season of The Pitt? Grey’s Anatomy being good again (it’s not good anymore)? Wow. Time flies.
If you forgot, Hyperfix is a weekly update on the things I’m currently obsessing over, made real quick for you. I’ve gotten into some crazy things since we last talked.
Big News?
I am still crafting for good causes. One of my hyperfixations over the last few months has been crafting, knitting, resin, shrink plastic, sublimation and so much more. I can make phone cases at home. I’m so into making 3D stickers and phone grips. My friends were tired of getting them for free so I decided to sell them and give the money to good organizations. Last week, it was CHIRLA, an org that helps immigrants in LA. We raised $260! Now it’s Unidos MN.
So, I put them up on my site and made a lil’ craft store, Ashley Ray Crafts.
Here’s some stuff I made:
I love crafting. I’ll be adding stuff every week. If you want something, let me know!
LET’S GET INTO IT! This week’s fix: I am obsessed with Bravo. My brain has been Bravofied. It took years, but I’m here now.
The Bravofication of Ashley Ray
I’ve been a pop culture writer for a decade now. Since I started writing weekly recaps of Insecure, there has been one request from everyone: Please watch the housewives. Despite being a TV-obsessed maniac, Bravo was a world outside of my interests. It’s not like I thought it was trash TV or I was better than that. Trust that I was not sitting on my high horse watching Hoarders and 90 Day Fiancé. It just seemed like too much. There are so many seasons, so many spin-offs and so much lore. It felt like I just missed the train on Bravo shows. Except Below Deck, obviously.
Then last October I donated bone marrow and lost all energy to do anything for a few weeks. There was nothing left for me to watch. I had just guested on Vanderpump Robs again, a podcast that’s well, all about Vanderpump Rules (VPR). Even though I’d never watched VPR at that point, Rob would tell me to check out an episode here or there and come talk about it. This time, it was a season 5 episode and something clicked. Maybe it was James and Lala fatshaming Katie. Maybe it was Katie rightfully destroying the little man who followed her around.
I started tweeting in the middle of season 5. I didn’t have all the backstory, but I was entertained. “Why is the tall girl so mean to the short man?” “Why is the angry man on coke all the time but no one says anything?” I’d ask. And Twitter being Twitter? People got mad at me for not knowing what happened before I started watching. How could I be so stupid about Katie when I didn’t know about her season 2 arc? I usually feel like its ok to jump in wherever on reality shows. 90 Day Fiancé or Love After Lockup will provide all the history and repeat it 20 times. Soon I learned this is not the case with Bravo. If you try to jump into a Bravo show, you’ll be wondering why Stassi and Katie are suddenly going to some Summer House and why I should care about a guy named Kyle who said she looked like Steve Jobs.
How foolish I was. How fucking dumb. To think I could understand VPR without seeing Tom dump a drink on Katie or well…everything Stassi.
I started from the beginning. Within two weeks, I had finished all of VPR, The Valley, The New VPR and Jax and Brittney Take Kentucky. It is a perfect capsule of the early 2010s. It captures the exact issues my friends and I faced in our early 20s. If I’d grown up watching Bravo, I now know my entire life would be different and I probably would’ve tried to get a job at SUR.
VPR is the great american novel as television if you end at season 10. It is a perfect narrative arc for everyone involved. Primarily, it taught me how easy it is to forgive. I had no idea I was cutting people out of my life way too quickly. If Stassi can forgive Kristen and Jax, then maybe I should’ve given my friend who sent me anon hate messages another chance. I believe if we sent Andy Cohen out into the world to negotiate peace treaties, he would have Russia and Ukraine going “I shouldn’t have called you a skank and I’m sorry for that” over martinis.
I have a lot more to say about VPR and I will (after the new season ends), but I believe my bravofication is complete. I have now watched the entirety of all these shows:
VPR
The Valley
VPR Reboot
Southern Charm
Shahs of Sunset
The Valley: Persian Style
I’ve watched the latest seasons of RHOP, RHOSLC and RHOBH. I learned my lesson though and have already gone back to season 1. As I type this, Gizelle is raging about Michael Darby being gay at the reunion. I am reborn. A week ago, I had no idea who Shep was. Kyle and Amanda are no longer just names to me (I also started Summer House). I now understand that if you have a summer birthday, you are a main character. I know how many abortions MJ had and how much GG spends on weed.
Dear readers, what should I do next? Southern Hospitality? Married to Medicine? Please guide me in this new land. Teach me your ways.
That being said, you Housewives fans do need to stop watching Traitors. You guys are ruining it. You do not know what is going on.
TV Recommendations
I know you all still need me to tell you what TV to watch.
Wild Boys: Strangers in Town - Paramount+
This is a documentary about two brothers who randomly walked out of a forest in Canada. They told everyone in British Columbia that they had been raised off grid their entire lives and finally escaped their parents. The country of Canada came together to support them. There was just one issue: they were lying. People all over the world started claiming the boys as their own. The truth was even more fucked up.
School Spirits - Paramount+
”DON’T FORGET ME WHEN I’M GONE” that’s what I was singing when I took my Substack break. I hope you didn’t, but also I hope you didn’t forget that School Spirits is back for what feels like its final season. Jennifer Tilly is in it!! Hey RHOBH fans!! Honestly this season is kind of confusing, but Wally is still hot.Love is Blind, Netflix
We are 9 episodes into season 10 and things are a little bit better than last year. I think there are at least two couples who will make it to wedding day and one that might actually get married. All of the men are horrible. I really really hate Chris, but there’s plenty to hate about all of them.
Impact: America’s Next Top Model, Hulu
You already watched Netflix’s doc and read what I had to say about it. But, ABC Impact has put together a little news special that fills in some blanks. They interview Janice Dickinson and a different group of models. Does it tell us anything new? No.
Traitors, Peacock
I love this season because I understand how the game Traitors is played. I do not think it is about Housewives being sassy around a table. I think it is about strategy so I know Rob R. is playing an amazing game that has nothing to do with him being hot. Maura has been around so many men hotter than Rob. That castle is not dickmatized. They’ve just been manipulated by someone who could easily win Homecoming King.
RANDOM
The more out there stuff I’ve been fixated on lately.
eBook Readers and Kindle Cases
I got a Kindle and I’m obsessed with it. I wanted to read more this year and it has 100% helped with that. But also? it is another thing for me to accessorize. I love making things all pretty and custom. Kindle skins, cases, Kindle grips, dust plug charms…I have decked my Kindle out. I even make custom cases with my sublimation printer and heat press. I’ll be sharing them once they look good.
Right now I’m reading Evidence of Love: A True Story of Passion and Death in the Suburbs. It’s about the story of Candy Montgomery who killed Betty Gore in 1980. Hulu and HBO Max made TV shows about it, Candy and Love and Death. They’re both pretty good. The actual book is definitely better though.
Ok I have finished Wild Boys and am feeling a lot of anger
Married to Medicine has some of the most honest portrayals of marriage on television with must-see reunions (not always true for these shows). It starts great! And is still great!