Date #2: Fun Flirting and LA
Ah, yes, now I remember what I hated about dating in LA
In 2023, Ashley went on a new first date every week of the year until she fell in love. In 2025, she’s revisiting these weekly pieces on Deep Trouble to see how well this experiment really worked.
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Originally published 1/9/2023, Updated on 1/13/2025
Wildfires have recently destroyed parts of my current home, Los Angeles. It feels like perfect timing that my post about falling in love with Los Angeles before I could actually find love here is being reposted.
I love LA and ask you to consider donating to these GoFundMes to help people who’ve lost their homes!
I’m only 9 days into this little “experiment,” but I have reached my first noticeable milestone: flirting is fun again. I’ve always liked flirting. I used to be really good at flirting, back in the day. Back before I stopped leaving my house. When I still enjoyed people being closer than 6ft to me. When I started dating again post-vaccine, I knew I was rusty that summer of 2021. I just said and did so many embarrassing things. One time a girl kissed me and I said, “Good stuff. Gang. Gang.”
I felt so out of practice with flirting and casual conversation, I dated someone for months just because I liked that I felt invisible around them. I could say nothing and they didn’t care. Sometimes, I felt like I could just disappear in that moment and they probably wouldn’t notice. Hell, I don’t even think they knew my actual name.
I remember asking them how they felt about polyamory and monogamy. They asked me why? I said because I’m polyamorous (a fact that is clear on all of my dating profiles, social media, and if you listen to me talk about my past for at least 10 minutes1), so maybe we should be on the same page? They were shocked: almost six months into our relationship, they had not noticed this about me or remembered I ever said it.
I wasn’t even mad. I was just happy I could exist around someone who did not care to listen to me, Google me, read my tweets or show any interest in me. It was a no pressure situation. We smoked pot, watched TV and I played with his dog. We didn’t go out. There was no pressure to escalate the relationship or meet each other’s friends.
Sometimes you need that. Post-COVID solitude, this was a great way to ease back into being around new people. Obviously, now, I’m in a healthier place and I enjoy the company of people who, y’know, actually notice me and even like me, but at the time, that was what I needed.
Now that I’m actually forcing myself to date with intention, though? Oh god, flirting is necessary. Flirting over dating apps. Flirting over text. Flirting over a drink. It turns out I’m not the only person who got bad at flirting, though! I am running into so many people on the apps who simply do not know what they are doing!
Often, men think flirting is just bragging about themselves or saying something way too sexual. Taking the time to actually find people I have e-flirt energy with has been helpful. And, it’s how I found my second date.
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