Welcome to a different kind of HYPERFIX! Normally, I write about a bunch of random obsessions. This week? We must talk discuss all things Lindy West, polyamory and millennial feminism. I wish it wasn’t this way, but I don’t believe I can move on until I get all the discourse out of my system. War is happening. An energy crisis looms. A memoir about a famous feminist whose self-esteem is so low she can’t imagine life without her husband so she dates his girlfriend and enters a throuple? This is the perfect distraction. Also, Lena Dunham has a memoir coming out and we must certainly make space for that in the discourse machine.

If you follow me on threads or twitter or bluesky, you’ve probably already seen me post up and down about Adult Braces. I wrote about it for Harper’s Bazaar. I’ve gone on podcasts to talk about it! I have shared a billion substacks on the topic already.

There have been two main reactions to this drama: “Holy shit, that’s messy, tell me everything!” and “Who is Lindy West? Who are these people taking over my feed?” Let’s start with the latter.

Who Are These People?

Lindy West was a writer for Jezebel in the 2010s. She’s a body positivity activist. She built her fanbase by openly sharing her personal struggles and writing funny, mean feminist reviews. She wrote a memoir called Shrill. It became a Hulu show with Aidy Bryant. The book is about Lindy learning she’s worthy when she marries a hot, thin man named Aham. Shrill wanted to show fat women they could have everything society said they didn’t deserve.

The right treats her like the poster girl for “millennial feminism.” It’s easier to tear down an ideology if its livelihood relies on one person. But West is not the cornerstone of millennial feminism. That’s not a thing. Even then she was criticized for representing white feminism while erasing black women’s work. 2010s “millennial” feminism came about on a post-monoculture, fractured internet that produced dozens of ideological variants. Not all of those groups celebrated or even knew who she was.

Personally, she didn’t make it into my bubble. I didn’t read Jezebel and I wasn’t on Twitter. My introduction to her work was when Shrill came to Hulu. For every millennial who calls West a hero, there’s an equal number who hear her name and shrug. Adult Braces cannot speak for a generation. It can only speak for Lindy West.

West wants Adult Braces to correct the record on Shrill’s happy ending. In an interview about her wedding, West said she wanted it to be a political act. In Adult Braces we see that marrying someone to make a point might not work out so well.

When they meet, Aham is fresh off a divorce. They break up, but get back together when Lindy’s father dies. As she grieves, Aham says they have to be non-monogamous if she wants him to stick around. He tells her monogamy is a form of ownership akin to slavery. Lindy says she can’t imagine life without Aham and assumes she just doesn’t get it because she’s a white woman from Seattle. Aham is mixed. His mother is a white American woman, but his father was Nigerian, so he must get these things more, we’re to assume.

So begins the path of coerced polyamory. The details on that aren’t great. Aham breaks her rules. He lies. He cheats. She finds out he has a girlfriend because a fan messages her. She finds out he has another girlfriend. She decides to go on a cross-country trip to figure out what she really wants. Along the way, she has some realizations. She feels like she’s a teenager, chasing unrequited love and her first kiss. She wonders what her life would be like if she were thin rather than look at who she actually is. It’s a heartbreaking read. She is all full of insecurities, but hasn’t reached the acceptance part of her journey even though she helped others get there.

Eventually, West makes her way back to Seattle and realizes all she wants is Aham. During her roadtrip, Aham and Roya have started flirting with Lindy via text. Aham orchestrates the careful exchanging of nudes. He tells Lindy that all he wants for his upcoming birthday is for Roya to visit. And so, the woman who just spent 300 pages showing us she’d put herself through hell for this man agrees. Lindy left to be alone, but never escapes Aham’s grip. There are no roadtrip hook-ups or flirty moments. In fact, West is disgusted by the idea of dating multiple men.

The idea of having another woman to handle a man though? Lindy realizes this is a benefit of ethical non-monogamy she can live with this. You see, Aham is a manbaby. For example, Lindy is an adult who wakes up and thinks about the things she has to do. She believes it is fair to ask her husband about these things in the morning. But, no. Aham can’t talk about anything serious before 10:00 am. If Lindy brings anything up before then, he will pout all day.

Never mind that Aham will apparently wake Lindy up at 5:30am to talk about basketball because that’s a sister wife duty that can be shared now:

Before Roya, Aham would beg Lindy to be sexy for him without giving her a space to feel sexy. Maybe he was too busy with his girlfriends to help his wife feel sexy and I think that makes him a pretty shitty husband on top of everything else.

Whatever. All of that is to say: What makes Aham so great? He rushes her into things. He doesn’t compromise. She’s at her lowest with him. But before Lindy can see if she might like a husband who can pay a bill at 9am, Roya (1st secret gf) enters. Roya’s presence makes Aham happy again. Lindy swears she hasn’t gotten lost in Aham, that this isn’t her losing herself, this is finding herself. She just happened to find herself right where Aham wanted.

We don’t learn much about Roya in the book even though Lindy is equally in love with her. Roya feels like a barely sketched out victim of unicorn hunting. If Aham was the trophy in Shrill, Roya is the trophy in Adult Braces. Roya is tiny, hot and goth. Roya is attracted to Lindy before she even meets her. That’s all Lindy thinks we need to know. Was Roya already polyamorous? How did she feel about Aham lying to Lindy? How do they support each other beyond Aham? If a man wrote about a woman the way West writes about Roya, 2010s Lindy West would’ve penned a scathing review in response!

SO BASICALLY they’re a polycule put together in a lab to combine every negative poly stereotype, the worst tropes of 2010s white feminism and just enough parasocial intrigue to create discourse.

Why Do People Care So Much?

Some people care because they think this represents the death of millennial feminism. Other people care because they hate that people are saying that. For some, Lindy West was their introduction to feminism and it’s hard to see she still deals with the insecurities she helped them overcome. If anything embodies the Girls quote, “I think that I may be the voice of my generation... or at least a voice of a generation,” it’s the fame 2010s online visibility provided writers like West. You really could be the voice of a niche micro-generation. So, I’m not downplaying what West was to her fans. I’m just not gonna act like her actions can tell us where an entire generation stands on feminism.

It’s also a useless way to engage with the book. Adult Braces is Lindy West begging us to let her be Lindy West, even if she doesn’t know who that is yet. This isn’t millennial feminism’s obituary it’s the outcome of a period that encouraged the blending of the personal and political across ideologies. For conservatives that can look like living the trad wife life, bulking up and living by the rules of the manosphere. For the left it can look like polycules and refusing to lose weight for fear of angering fans. It’s all performance for an audience.

It has nothing to do with left or right. It shows us the shallow outcome of making the personal political for social media. Both sides have fans who expect to see their heroes walk the walk online, even if it leads them off a cliff. In Lindy’s case, her marriage was proof of her worldview. If it ends in divorce, what will the trolls say? Will fans be let down? Adult Braces is a memoir about a woman who balances these groups on her shoulders in place of an angel and demon.

And if we’d left things there, this book would’ve left the zeitgeist last week.

OKAY!? So Why Do People STILL Care Then?

I know polyamory is still a big deal for some, but polyamory is not interesting enough to create this much discourse. Some people say it’s because people are uncomfortable seeing a fat girl win (or lose, depending on how you read the book.) Fatphobia absolutely plays a role in some responses to the book. However, some of the loudest critics have been fat women who aren’t uncomfortable with the book, they’re upset with throuple’s actions after the release.

The book initially received polite coverage! Slate wrote a profile that addressed the whole situation with empathy. It focused on Lindy and mentioned her partners are out of town working on a joint project. Lindy says she needs this book to float her family for awhile. Their response? They sent incredibly angry, rude emails. They called her bitter. They said she needed therapy. They basically insulted her in a way that 2010s Lindy West would not be okay with. How could people so progressive turn into incels over a perfectly fine profile?

In response, Aham said he meant to write “Free Palestine” in his email. In a since removed article, Lindy said it’s unfair to question Roya’s portrayal in the book because she’s Persian and the war is happening. She said it’s racist to ask if Roya and Aham contribute to “keeping the family afloat.” The throuple using political rhetoric to distract from their actions made everything worse. Slate updated the piece to include Aham’s email. A man embarrassing his wife during her book launch? The limits and hypocrisy of white feminism on display? It’s everything internet debates are made of.

Ok. So Do I Need To Read It?

If you want a juicy story about polyamory, you’ll be disappointed. If you want an empowering feminist tale, you will be disappointed. It’s about a woman who learns to be comfortable being at odds with herself if it pleases the person she loves. It’s about the ways we contort ourselves and convince ourselves we see something other than a mess. It’s about a woman who wonders if she’s an adult baby, but decides she likes being baby.

The writing is beautiful in sections. It’s also juvenile, like she uses her own writing as evidence she’s stuck in arrested development. In order to grow, she tries to free herself from the expectations of trolls and fans. By the end of her roadtrip, she decides the insecurities borne from her own expectations (a monogamous husband, feeling chosen, growing old and having kids) limit her more.

When the throuple sat down to write their emails to Slate, they had to know it would blow up. The attention economy sells books. I don’t think she expected this much attention, but what West writes about: being unable to see your worth because society has focused on your weight, race or class is an intersectional experience. You’ll probably relate to something in Adult Braces, just don’t go into it thinking it’s an advice book. Oddly enough, West did originally pitch it as a self-help book. I imagine that didn’t work when the prose made it obvious she’s still in need of help.

Anyway, I think it’s beautiful all of the internet has come together to unanimously say, Lindy, go find yourself, your husband is the problem. We promise, the divorce memoir will make you enough to cover alimony.

Updated to Add:

Lindy’s husband, Aham, released a movie in 2018 called Thin Skin. This was BEFORE Shrill. Lindy co-wrote it. It was based on a live stage show they did together. As Aham said in an interview, Lindy’s fingerprints are all over it. SO when I found out it was on Tubi last weekend, I had to watch it. I livetweeted the experience, but I’ll add some thoughts here.

The movie is autobiographical. Aham’s actual sister, Ijeoma Oluo, plays his sister (she’s also a famous writer, that is a whole other part of the story.) It’s about Aham finding out he has a brother in Africa, his father dying and supporting his 2 daughters after his divorce with a boring desk job. This is before Aham met Lindy. The movie is fine. It’s boring. Navel-gazing ending. It definitely treats Aham like a genius. At this point, he lives in his sister’s laundry room. She asks him to leave. Aham says his kids sleeping on her couch “is the most exciting thing that’s happened to you in years.”

He plays trumpet. He thinks he’s too talented to have a boring dayjob. He hangs out with comedians (also Hari, Dwayne, you’re AMAZING in this, the highlight). His mom is a very ignorant white woman who says she knows what it’s like to be black because she was married to a black man for 8 years. You get the sense film Aham and film Ijeoma hate their dad, but they hate their mom more and perhaps blame her for him leaving. She thinks the word “renege” is short for “renigger.” She wears full African dress after the father’s death, despite not going to the funeral. She’s a wounded bird adult baby who has pet snakes and can’t manage herself. Her kids seem resentful that they have to take care of this old, unwoke white lady.

After their father reconnects with them for the first time in years, Aham is open to talking while Ijeoma wants nothing to do with him (or any Nigerian man they come across). They have a phone call, but Aham’s father says he’s disappointed in him for being a musician because that’s not a real job. Aham internalizes this feeling and after finds out his dad has another son, who presumably didn’t disappoint their dad. Then his dad dies before Aham can ever prove himself.

The film’s climax is Aham’s rapid downward spiral when he’s diagnosed with an auto-immune disease from a doctor overprescribing antibiotics. This happened to Aham in real life. The disease made the skin fall off of his palms and the bottom of his feet. In other places, his skin would molt together. He’s unable to play music, work or eat food. His lips seal together at night and he has to cut them open with scissors. He had a 60% chance of dying (according to the movie.)

The film ends with a dream-future montage where he works through this illness, slowly pushes himself to play music again and creates the orchestral live show he always dreamed of. He goes back to being a father. It is interesting, though, that his daughters are not characters in the back end of the film. While he’s grappling with death and what he wants to leave on this earth, he doesn’t mention his daughters or providing for them. He doesn’t forgive their mother, the ex he blames for forcing him to live in his sister’s laundry room.

While ill, Movie Aham decides life is only worth living if you pursue your dreams. You can’t focus on proving yourself to others. You never know how much time you have. From there, real world Aham would go on to meet Lindy right after the above divorce and everything we know from Shrill and Adult Braces would come to pass.

It is a gorgeously shot film. It’s directed by Charles Mudede. He takes a very blah script and elevates it into something that is at least visually interesting. It’s also interesting that Lindy is a co-writer because it shows she is capable of writing an Aham that wins the audience’s sympathy. Lindy could’ve written a version of Adult Braces that acknowledges this context in Aham’s life. It’s a bit easier to understand why he’s so focused on his own desires and comforts when you see the discomfort he had to endure. Of course the guy who almost lost everything wants two girlfriends!

None of Thin Skin excuses Aham’s behavior in Adult Braces, but it does give us his villain origin story. Adult Braces makes it seem like Aham has some inherent disregard for monogamy because he’s half-Nigerian or because it’s ownership. Most people have pointed out how silly that is. Thin Skin presents an argument that Aham’s interest in ethical non-monogamy is driven by a fear to not be his father, the impact of his divorces and his near-death experience. His father abandoned their mother. Aham would never abandon the fragile white woman who depends on him so he found a way to bring her into his next relationship. He “moves so fucking fast” because he lives for the present.

If you want the full Adult Braces experience, it’s worth watching. If you don’t really care about the “why” behind Aham’s assholery, you definitely don’t need to watch it.

But…if you’re in the “Lindy knows what she’s doing” column with me, it’s telling that she leaves out these details that would’ve helped us feel sympathy for Aham while also begging us not to hate Aham. She must suspect that if they get a divorce, there will be conservative haters who say, “I told you so! He replaced her!” After Adult Braces, we know that’s not the situation. It was actually an issue of low self-esteem, manipulation and coercion. Fox News would run a banner celebrating her divorce.

Your Poly Big Sister

I’ve decided to bring back my polyamory advice column in the wake of all this. It’ll be in your weekly Hyperfix for subscribers. It turns out there’s still a lot of bad poly advice out there! In an interview, Lindy said polyamory is a great cure for codependence. NO IT IS NOT! DO NOT DO IT FOR THAT!

Have questions? Need guidance? Submit below. First round will be next week because I’m tired of typing the word poly rn.

Submit

Upcoming Shows in Los Angeles

3/15 - Sunday - Awards Show Watch Party! @ Dynasty Typewriter - 4pm

3/21 - Saturday - Something Else? REVENGE FANTASY @ Porter Street Studio - 8pm

3/29 - Sunday - Dungeon: Comedy Roleplaying Game @ Lyric Hyperion - 7:30pm

New Crafts

I’m still crafting to support good causes. I already told you I started making mini designer bag charms, but I am also continuing my SATC homage. I have finally made the Charlotte phone case and Marnie phone grip. It’ll be up later this week!

Reddit told me you can do sublimation on nylon tights, so I’m doing that. Can’t decide on a design to test first, so if you have any tight ideas, let me know.

check out more crafts

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other fixations

Stuff I Got This Week

• Black. Single. Mother.: Real Life Tales of Longing and Belonging by Jamilah Lemieux. I love Jamilah’s work so I had to get this on the kindle ASAP.

• I finally went to Maru coffee in Los Feliz. I am sad to report it was worth the wait.

• I’ve been smoking a lot of Maven Genetics and recently started enjoying their Halos. It’s a rosin-infused pre-roll that is real tasty. I like French Diamonds.

Stuff I Did and Thought This Week

• Last night I did a show at Nico’s. I made a joke about looking like a goth Willy Wonka. It was a very whimsical look. Like I owned a Hot Topic that sold incense. Like someone at HBO said, “We need a Chris Fleming for black women! A middle-aged woman who can name all the Living Single characters!” and then when I got off stage someone was like “Did you know Chris was here?” I did not. I just started making fun of myself before I left the house. Anyway, Chris did let me know that he was thinking “I should wear more polka dots and velvet” when I said it.

• Stayed up all night watching Vladimir on Netflix even though it made me so angry. I’ve never hated a female character so much, but then I loved her.

• I don’t care what Timothee Chalamet thinks about ballet or the opera. Not at all. Not once. Not ever.

• I finally put some of my clothes on poshmark and depop! I will empty my closet and be one of those people with organized, signature pieces. I WILL.

• Secret Lives of Mormon Wives comes back tomorrow so I will have a reason to live again.

• I became a regular at a local restaurant I really like and this is one of the best things that has happened in my 7 years in Los Angeles.

• I put some new stuff in my Writer Resource Folder if you want some writing, acting, podcasting tips or you wanna read some scripts.

• Remember Girl Talk? idk why he’s just been on my mind.

spoilers below

Okay, let’s get into the real obsession of the week: Love is Blind. The reunion for the most boring season aired last night and it delivered very little. That’s what we all thought would happen. It was obvious this was not a successful season for the “experiment.” Only two couples ended up saying yes and only one made it to the reunion (Christine and Vic, duh.) Ohio should’ve been easy for Love is Blind. I’m from the Midwest. It’s very easy to fall in love there. All they had to do was swing through a cornfield and find a few guys with actual, real jobs. Instead we got a loser parade of wannabe manosphere influencers.

People said a lot about Traitors needing a tune up. As always, I think those people are wrong. Traitors is perfect and never needs to change. If any franchise is in need of help, it’s Love is Blind. Everything about it is tired now. The format, the contestants, the experiment? All bad. All of it just makes you roll your eyes and fast forward to the part someone online talked about. There are some easy, but major, changes the show could make to keep things interesting. The Ohio reunion didn’t inspire hope that Love is Blind would ever be brave enough to make those changes.

Love is Blind seems content to choose horrible, unemployed man-boys who will turn female contestants into social media superstars for enduring their behavior. This creates viral moments. It doesn’t create solid or interesting relationships. At the same time, no one wants to see average, boring people fall in love. They could find the balance between those things, but no. To up the drama, Love is Blind has started including people with kids. This is another mistake. There’s no world where it’s appropriate to marry someone who has only known your kid in person for less than a week. It’s not fair to the person with kids or anyone who might match with them.

The answer to fixing Love is Blind is actually in another Netflix show: Age of Attraction. After watching all of the available Age of Attraction episodes today, I think they could make one good dating show if you combined them.

Right now though? I can’t say either is worth the watch. What Age of Attraction gets wrong could help Love is Blind become relevant again.

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This was going to be a thing about Heated Rivalry, SNL and why people can’t seem to be normal about the show. That’s not even a top I particularly care about. It seems pretty obvious that love+hot actors=success and infatuation. I’m making crafts making fun of it. Your mom knows about it. Also so many other people have written about it. I really like the below piece by Caroline Siede over at Girl Culture. If you still need your Heated Rivalry questions answered, read this:

Girl Culture

Why are men obsessed with women obsessed with ‘Heated Rivalry’?

In “You’ve Got Rom-Com,” pop culture critic and When Romance Met Comedy writer Caroline Siede examines the history of the romantic comedy genre one film (or TV show!) at a time. While most of the writing on Girl Culture is free to all, this column is available only to…

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a month ago · 59 likes · 2 comments · Caroline Siede

It was also impossible for me to care about Heated Rivalry or anything, really, because I watched 90 Day Fiancé: Before the 90 Days last week. Always the ugliest child in the attic of 90 Day off-breeds, this week’s episode, “Final Boarding Call” brought the franchise to a new low. If you aren’t familiar with this particular version of 90 Day, let me quickly introduce you.

Before the 90 Days is typically couples who’ve never met in person. They’ve only chatted online, over video or on calls. On the show, they’re meeting for the first time to see if they want to get engaged to start the 90-day visa process. Other than 90 Day: The Single Life, Hunting for Love and Last Resort, Before the 90 Days is the shallowest of variations that features mostly new couples and stories. There are some legitimate romances featured and those couples inevitably make it to 90 Day: The Other Way or Happily Ever After. But most of the couples pretty clearly won’t work.

Take, for example, the couple at the heart of my current hyperfix: Lisa and Daniel.

Lisa and Daniel should not be dating. They should not even be in communication. Everything about their dynamic is bad, toxic and the result of a mental health crisis. Daniel is a young Nigerian man who believes “white people always tell the truth” and he’ll have a better life in America. Lisa sends him money and he’s clearly willing to do what he needs to do if it means coming to America. These types are typically cast as the bad guys, but in Daniel’s case, he has suffered more than a man with Tourette’s at an awards ceremony. He has been thrown into the fire with Lisa. Give him whatever he wants for not leaving immediately.

Lisa is a lesbian. This is not me projecting or making assumptions. When we meet her she tells us she’s only been dating women for 20 years. She was married to a woman for a decade. She has a daughter from her first marriage, but she’s only been with women since that ended. But when Daniel showed up in her DMs and called her his white queen, she decided it was time to get dickly. Lisa didn’t tell Daniel about her previous marriages or her relationships with women before she hopped on a plane to Nigeria. She didn’t tell him about any of this when he got on one knee at the airport and she said yes to his marriage proposal.

She didn’t tell Daniel about any of this when he introduced her to his family or his local priest. She didn’t tell Daniel about any of this after they shared disgusting details about their first time having sex.

Lisa decided to wait until after she shit the bed with Daniel to let him in on one of her secrets. I wish I meant that figuratively. I wish I did not mean that this grown woman shit herself in bed, but that is exactly what I mean. In the middle of the night, Lisa had a stomach issue. When they woke up, the bed, Lisa and Daniel were all a mess. Daniel politely helped gather the sheets and bedding. He helped Lisa to the shower and just said he understood when she said it was the spicy food.

I’m able to share a lot of details on this because TLC gave us the footage. The sheets blurred, but we got to see way more than we needed to. If Daniel and Lisa had simply relayed this story to us, I would believe them. I didn’t need to see that. I don’t think they’d make that up! That’s also the problem plaguing late-life 90 Day Fiancé and Lisa and Daniel. They are showing us things we should not be seeing. They want Lisa to feel like Angela; the angry, loud white woman who terrorized Nigeria. Angela was so awful, Michael’s scamming felt deserved. When Michael was finally free in America, you had to clap for the man.

Lisa is lying to Daniel and that’s awful, but she isn’t an awful person. She’s someone in need of help. Lisa should not be on reality TV. She’s been married five times. She’s still technically married to her last wife. Her daughter begs her not to accept another marriage proposal and Lisa breaks that rule as soon as she steps outside of the airport. I don’t typically read about the cast outside of the show, but things felt so off with Lisa that I had to dig in a bit. Her daughter and ex-wife have done interviews speaking to Lisa’s mental health issues. I’ve been deep diving in the 90 Day reddit communities and I don’t understand how she passed a psych test to be on the show.

She constantly wears a wig around Daniel because he’s never seen her without one. When she finally decides to show him her real hair, she almost has a panic attack. For what it’s worth, Daniel is more disgusted by her natural hair than the shit in the bed. Daniel introduces Lisa to his friends. We find out that Lisa is also afraid that Daniel has been talking to other women. Even though she’s hiding about 100 secrets, this is something she tries to use as an exist. The relationship and situation are both overwhelming for her. She wants an out, but Daniel’s friends back him up and the two stick together.

After surviving all of this together, it’s understandable that Lisa felt it was a good time to tell Daniel about her most recent marriage. Not all of them, but y’know, the main one. Over dinner, she tells Daniel it was a man (not true) and that they’re still married, but separated. Daniel is understandably upset. It’s against his religion and culture to be with a married woman, separated or not. This, finally, is enough to make Daniel storm away. Lisa breaks down and it’s harder to watch than the blurred poop sheets. She calls her daughter who reminds her she hasn’t even told Daniel everything. Lisa cries more.

None of it is entertaining. It’s just deep secondhand embarrassment, but not like in a fun way when Nathan Fielder does it. This is just a woman who should be back home with her family getting treatment. After the ANTM documentary, people wondered when there’d be some sort of TLC reckoning. Relationships like Lisa and Daniel’s will probably make up most of the footage. People who simply should not be on TV, but they create moments we simply have to talk about. Because the relationships on this version are so shallow, they have to lean on shock value.

I don’t want to shame Lisa for having an accident in bed. Accidents happen! TLC didn’t need to make it so graphic for us or show it to us at all. For any other couple, this could be a moment of intense, gross intimacy that pulls two people closer. With Lisa and Daniel it felt like the latest in the humiliation ritual that leads to them charging $80 for a cameo. The future of reality TV is one where producers prioritize empathy over entertainment value. That means casting people who can handle being on TV.

Upcoming Shows

3/5 - The Download, Skiptown Playhouse, Los Angeles, CA
3/10 - Horse Around, Nico’s, Los Angeles

New Crafts

I’m still crafting to support good causes. This week I made some Heated Rivalry stickers and keychains. Still raising money for Unidos_MN!

I am getting so good with shrinky dinks and sublimation stickers.

RANDOM

The more out there stuff I’ve been fixated on lately.

Stuff I Read This Week

If You Tell by Gregg Olsen - Book about Shelly Knotek who convinced her husband to help her kill four people and used abuse to keep her kids quiet.

How Should a White Woman Writer Be? by Malavika Kannan - It has been a LONG TIME since I read some real criticism. This made me stop and go follow the author. What a read.

Stuff I Watched This Week

Industry S4 Finale - What a fuckin’ great finale. I’ve loved Industry from the beginning. Like everyone, I loved that it let its female characters be dark and vicious. The dynamic reflects the finance industry where typical female characteristics are seen as weakness. The finance industry is not a place where “female friendship” and support exist. Harper and Yasmin have been giving Peggy and Joan since we met them. Two woman in a world that sees them as less than choosing different methods to survive that fact. Like Peggy and Joan, Harper and Yasmin love and resent each other. They hate and support each other. Industry has gone even further by having Yasmin take her place as the show’s true villain. She’s become a woman who sacrifices other women to the machine. Her early misogynistic comments and actions felt like they came from a place of ignorance. She knows what she’s doing now. Also goddamn that Rishi episode. GREAT TELEVISION!

Southern Charm - It’s so scary how Craig loses his mind and does not remember the next day. Shep feels so old and sad now. I still don’t know if I really like anyone right now. I guess Rodrigo is fine.

Southern Hospitality - New season started!! Emma is crazy!!!

School Spirits - The finale is up so you can go watch the full season. I love this show so hard. I screamed. I cried. I clapped. Jennifer Tilly did the damn thing. I really hope we get another season but they certainly answered a LOT of questions.

Neighbors - I think we are going to see so many of these people in future true crime shows for shooting their neighbor with a gun.

Love is Blind - SNOOOZZZZEEEEE the weddings all happened how we thought they would. I have no real interest in the reunion. Vic and his girl were so great though. It’s like they’ve been together for a million years. They were already husband and wife.

Below Deck Down Under - SNOOOOZZZZZZZEEEE oh no ben is slow with dinner service!! There’s just no real drama in this mix yet.

High Potential - This one felt like a bit of a reach plot-wise but hey, it was fun.

Scrubs Revival - I do not care that I am loving this shit so bad and I am laughing so so so much. I love sitcoms with jokes!

Shrinking - And I love this sitcom with few jokes but so many quaint, emotional moments. No spoilers but thank god D****s ***’* *** because I would’ve lost my shit.

Blue Therapy - Netflix made a British version of Couple’s Therapy.

DMV, St. Denis Medical, The Rise and Fall of Reggie Dinkins, Stumble, Ghosts - Did I mention comedy is BACK? How lucky we are to have all of this to watch.

Well. Happy one year anniversary to the last HYPERFIX! Remember when we were so stoked on the first season of The Pitt? Grey’s Anatomy being good again (it’s not good anymore)? Wow. Time flies.

If you forgot, Hyperfix is a weekly update on the things I’m currently obsessing over, made real quick for you. I’ve gotten into some crazy things since we last talked.

Big News?

I am still crafting for good causes. One of my hyperfixations over the last few months has been crafting, knitting, resin, shrink plastic, sublimation and so much more. I can make phone cases at home. I’m so into making 3D stickers and phone grips. My friends were tired of getting them for free so I decided to sell them and give the money to good organizations. Last week, it was CHIRLA, an org that helps immigrants in LA. We raised $260! Now it’s Unidos MN.

So, I put them up on my site and made a lil’ craft store, Ashley Ray Crafts.

Here’s some stuff I made:

I love crafting. I’ll be adding stuff every week. If you want something, let me know!

Get Stuff

LET’S GET INTO IT! This week’s fix: I am obsessed with Bravo. My brain has been Bravofied. It took years, but I’m here now.

The Bravofication of Ashley Ray

I’ve been a pop culture writer for a decade now. Since I started writing weekly recaps of Insecure, there has been one request from everyone: Please watch the housewives. Despite being a TV-obsessed maniac, Bravo was a world outside of my interests. It’s not like I thought it was trash TV or I was better than that. Trust that I was not sitting on my high horse watching Hoarders and 90 Day Fiancé. It just seemed like too much. There are so many seasons, so many spin-offs and so much lore. It felt like I just missed the train on Bravo shows. Except Below Deck, obviously.

Then last October I donated bone marrow and lost all energy to do anything for a few weeks. There was nothing left for me to watch. I had just guested on Vanderpump Robs again, a podcast that’s well, all about Vanderpump Rules (VPR). Even though I’d never watched VPR at that point, Rob would tell me to check out an episode here or there and come talk about it. This time, it was a season 5 episode and something clicked. Maybe it was James and Lala fatshaming Katie. Maybe it was Katie rightfully destroying the little man who followed her around.

I started tweeting in the middle of season 5. I didn’t have all the backstory, but I was entertained. “Why is the tall girl so mean to the short man?” “Why is the angry man on coke all the time but no one says anything?” I’d ask. And Twitter being Twitter? People got mad at me for not knowing what happened before I started watching. How could I be so stupid about Katie when I didn’t know about her season 2 arc? I usually feel like its ok to jump in wherever on reality shows. 90 Day Fiancé or Love After Lockup will provide all the history and repeat it 20 times. Soon I learned this is not the case with Bravo. If you try to jump into a Bravo show, you’ll be wondering why Stassi and Katie are suddenly going to some Summer House and why I should care about a guy named Kyle who said she looked like Steve Jobs.

How foolish I was. How fucking dumb. To think I could understand VPR without seeing Tom dump a drink on Katie or well…everything Stassi.

I started from the beginning. Within two weeks, I had finished all of VPR, The Valley, The New VPR and Jax and Brittney Take Kentucky. It is a perfect capsule of the early 2010s. It captures the exact issues my friends and I faced in our early 20s. If I’d grown up watching Bravo, I now know my entire life would be different and I probably would’ve tried to get a job at SUR.

VPR is the great american novel as television if you end at season 10. It is a perfect narrative arc for everyone involved. Primarily, it taught me how easy it is to forgive. I had no idea I was cutting people out of my life way too quickly. If Stassi can forgive Kristen and Jax, then maybe I should’ve given my friend who sent me anon hate messages another chance. I believe if we sent Andy Cohen out into the world to negotiate peace treaties, he would have Russia and Ukraine going “I shouldn’t have called you a skank and I’m sorry for that” over martinis.

I have a lot more to say about VPR and I will (after the new season ends), but I believe my bravofication is complete. I have now watched the entirety of all these shows:

1. VPR

2. The Valley

3. VPR Reboot

4. Southern Charm

5. Shahs of Sunset

6. The Valley: Persian Style

I’ve watched the latest seasons of RHOP, RHOSLC and RHOBH. I learned my lesson though and have already gone back to season 1. As I type this, Gizelle is raging about Michael Darby being gay at the reunion. I am reborn. A week ago, I had no idea who Shep was. Kyle and Amanda are no longer just names to me (I also started Summer House). I now understand that if you have a summer birthday, you are a main character. I know how many abortions MJ had and how much GG spends on weed.

Dear readers, what should I do next? Southern Hospitality? Married to Medicine? Please guide me in this new land. Teach me your ways.

That being said, you Housewives fans do need to stop watching Traitors. You guys are ruining it. You do not know what is going on.

TV Recommendations

I know you all still need me to tell you what TV to watch.

1. Wild Boys: Strangers in Town - Paramount+
   

   This is a documentary about two brothers who randomly walked out of a forest in Canada. They told everyone in British Columbia that they had been raised off grid their entire lives and finally escaped their parents. The country of Canada came together to support them. There was just one issue: they were lying. People all over the world started claiming the boys as their own. The truth was even more fucked up.

2. School Spirits - Paramount+

   
   ”DON’T FORGET ME WHEN I’M GONE” that’s what I was singing when I took my Substack break. I hope you didn’t, but also I hope you didn’t forget that School Spirits is back for what feels like its final season. Jennifer Tilly is in it!! Hey RHOBH fans!! Honestly this season is kind of confusing, but Wally is still hot.

3. Love is Blind, Netflix

We are 9 episodes into season 10 and things are a little bit better than last year. I think there are at least two couples who will make it to wedding day and one that might actually get married. All of the men are horrible. I really really hate Chris, but there’s plenty to hate about all of them.

4. Impact: America’s Next Top Model, Hulu

You already watched Netflix’s doc and read what I had to say about it. But, ABC Impact has put together a little news special that fills in some blanks. They interview Janice Dickinson and a different group of models. Does it tell us anything new? No.

5. Traitors, Peacock
   

   I love this season because I understand how the game Traitors is played. I do not think it is about Housewives being sassy around a table. I think it is about strategy so I know Rob R. is playing an amazing game that has nothing to do with him being hot. Maura has been around so many men hotter than Rob. That castle is not dickmatized. They’ve just been manipulated by someone who could easily win Homecoming King.

RANDOM

The more out there stuff I’ve been fixated on lately.

eBook Readers and Kindle Cases

I got a Kindle and I’m obsessed with it. I wanted to read more this year and it has 100% helped with that. But also? it is another thing for me to accessorize. I love making things all pretty and custom. Kindle skins, cases, Kindle grips, dust plug charms…I have decked my Kindle out. I even make custom cases with my sublimation printer and heat press. I’ll be sharing them once they look good.

Right now I’m reading Evidence of Love: A True Story of Passion and Death in the Suburbs. It’s about the story of Candy Montgomery who killed Betty Gore in 1980. Hulu and HBO Max made TV shows about it, Candy and Love and Death. They’re both pretty good. The actual book is definitely better though.

So sorry this week’s HYPERFIX is coming at you in the evening! Honestly? I am in an intense Duolingo battle right now with a guy who will NOT stop trying to come for my #1 spot. My usual writing time had to go to that. Obviously.

This week, let’s talk about The Pitt, three new true crime documentaries and other TV things. Also, if you’re in NYC or LA, I have some shows coming up. Look at that beautiful Flex line-up.

Upcoming Comedy Shows

Get tickets below:

2/27 - Los Angeles - The Elysian Theater
3/6 - New York City - FLEX at Knockout Women’s Comedy Festival

The Pitt (Max)

I switched up my Substack because I didn’t want to focus on TV anymore. It’s not my fault that TV is so fucking back, I have no choice but to tell you about it.

I’ll admit that all of YOU told me about this one, actually. I was slow to watch this. I wasn’t in the mood for another hospital drama. As I’ve said many times, I still watch Grey’s Anatomy. A few people on Bluesky begged me to check it out. Thank god for them. I love The Pitt. This show is incredible.

It’s not ER. It’s not Grey’s Anatomy. It’s The Pitt. Each episode is one hour in the day of a group of ER doctors and medical students. Noah Wyle plays Dr. Robby, a near perfect man. We follow him on the anniversary of his mentor’s death. He’s clearly not over it. He’s tense. He’s on edge. He’s also the best goddamn doctor they’ve got. He’s basically Meredith Grey.

I fell in love immediately and watched 7 episodes in a day. Watching it is an experience, so I don’t want to say too much. Go watch it, we’ll have a real discussion after the finale.

NECESSARY DOCUMENTARIES

I watch too many documentaries. Here are my thoughts.

American Murder: Gabby Petito, 2025 (Netflix)

The latest installment of American Murder takes on the Gabby Petito case. I’ve enjoyed this series. American Murder has done a great job centering the stories of victims and working with families. The other two installments, Laci Peterson and The Family Next Door both seek to correct the record to defend Peterson and Shanann Watts. Gabby Petito’s documentary attempts to do the same, to mixed results.

Because this case is so recent, most people know the details. Instead, they focus on Gabby as a person through her friends and videos. This is one of the better parts of the documentary, though there’s some controversy there. Gabby’s family allowed them to use her letters and text messages. Rather than hire a voice actor to read them like most true crime docs, American Murder used AI to recreate Gabby’s voice. Her family also approved of that, but it definitely brings up some ethical questions.

I don’t mind the use of AI here. I can understand if the family didn’t want to hear actors try to sound like their daughter. Netflix has gone too far before, though. In the documentary What Jessica Did, they used AI to create fake pictures of her. That’s not okay. That’s just unethical. An AI voice to read texts and letters the person actually wrote? It’s different.

People on Twitter said they should just show the text and let people read it so that the victim’s “voice isn’t stolen.” Well, first of all, Netflix would hate that because they know you’re looking at your phone and not the TV screen. Then there’s y’know, people who struggle with reading. And people who are vision impaired and use audio descriptions on their TV. It feels like this reaction is mostly driven by people hating all things AI. I also hate all things AI. At the same time, I cannot understand why people have an issue with this, but had no issue with voice actors doing it for decades. Were they “stealing the victim’s voice”?

Outside of the AI issue, this doc is great at laying out the full story. It mostly lets the evidence speak for itself. The full bodycam footage when the cops pull them over is difficult to watch. Some new details are shared around the timeline, but it doesn’t try to tease a big reveal. This is the story of Gabby and what domestic violence looks like. Her family wanted her texts and letters shared because they really showcase how controlling and manipulative Brian was.

My biggest issue? The doc’s ending. The final message is that Gabby always wanted to be a content creator. When she died, she only had one video on her YouTube with ~400 views. Now, the video has over 7 million views. The doc tries to make this feel good, but it’s just crass. They could’ve ended on the work of the Gabby Petito Foundation and efforts to help women of color who are missing. Instead, they want us to smile because she got internet famous in death?

It’s worth watching if you want to know about the case, but it isn’t as good as the other entries in the American Murder series.

The Fox Hollow Murders, 2025 (Hulu)

Did you know the largest collection of unidentified bones after 9/11 is from some guy’s house in Indiana? In 1996, Herb Baumeister allegedly killed two dozen men and buried them in his backyard. His wife had no idea he was doing this or that he was gay. She did, however, call police when their son found a human skull in the yard.

After one victim managed to escape and go to police (that is a wholeeee other part of the story), police go to the guy’s estate, Fox Hollow. They immediately find over 10,000 bone fragments. They find so many bones, the state of Indiana decides they don’t want to deal with identifying them and the family can pay for DNA testing if they think one of them might be their missing relative.

Because it was assumed all the victims were gay men, the cops did not care. Now, a new coroner is trying to test and identify all the remains. The cops cared so little about this case, they didn’t even arrest Herb when they found a graveyard at his house. They did have a warrant, so they let him go. He went on the run and eventually killed himself in Canada. He left behind a lot of questions, but new information hints that there could be a possible accomplice.

This doc is great. They take time to tell the stories of the identified victims. Their families share what it means to find them and have their story told.

Who Is Luigi Mangione? (Max)

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Happy first month of HYPERFIX!! I hope my fixations have made you feel less alone. Or inspired you to learn a language, watch a documentary or climb Mt. Everest. I’m excited about a lot of things right now, so we should probably just get into it.

Also, again: Are you following me on Bluesky? Or Threads? or Substack? Or TikTok? Or beehiiv? Or Patreon…

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Welcome to another HYPERFIX!! This week we’re talking OJ Simpson, Paradise and Lily Collins’ surrogacy. Perfectly uncontroversial topics.

Also, are you following me on Bluesky? Or Threads? or Substack? Or TikTok? Or beehiiv? Or Patreon? Or hell, even Rednote? You can even hit me up on Duolingo. Or anywhere that is not Twitter. Because I just can’t d…

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Welcome back to HYPERFIX and thanks for your positive comments on this new format. It’s been fun moving all my thoughts from Twitter to a long-form platform!

This week’s fix is for paid subscribers. Let’s get into some reality TV show thoughts, whether my dentist lied about mouthguards, Ozempic, pot and some docs.

Also did you know Tim Allen is on TV…

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Welcome to HYPERFIX, a subset of Deep Trouble. Some of you have asked for weekly recommendation lists of the documentaries, TV shows, and other weird things I’m into. This is that! Also, I think Substack has made it mandatory to do these little recommendation list things, so whatever.

A friend said they love following me because they get to see what…

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