Welcome to a different kind of HYPERFIX! Normally, I write about a bunch of random obsessions. This week? We must talk discuss all things Lindy West, polyamory and millennial feminism. I wish it wasn’t this way, but I don’t believe I can move on until I get all the discourse out of my system. War is happening. An energy crisis looms. A memoir about a famous feminist whose self-esteem is so low she can’t imagine life without her husband so she dates his girlfriend and enters a throuple? This is the perfect distraction. Also, Lena Dunham has a memoir coming out and we must certainly make space for that in the discourse machine.

If you follow me on threads or twitter or bluesky, you’ve probably already seen me post up and down about Adult Braces. I wrote about it for Harper’s Bazaar. I’ve gone on podcasts to talk about it! I have shared a billion substacks on the topic already.

There have been two main reactions to this drama: “Holy shit, that’s messy, tell me everything!” and “Who is Lindy West? Who are these people taking over my feed?” Let’s start with the latter.

Who Are These People?

Lindy West was a writer for Jezebel in the 2010s. She’s a body positivity activist. She built her fanbase by openly sharing her personal struggles and writing funny, mean feminist reviews. She wrote a memoir called Shrill. It became a Hulu show with Aidy Bryant. The book is about Lindy learning she’s worthy when she marries a hot, thin man named Aham. Shrill wanted to show fat women they could have everything society said they didn’t deserve.

The right treats her like the poster girl for “millennial feminism.” It’s easier to tear down an ideology if its livelihood relies on one person. But West is not the cornerstone of millennial feminism. That’s not a thing. Even then she was criticized for representing white feminism while erasing black women’s work. 2010s “millennial” feminism came about on a post-monoculture, fractured internet that produced dozens of ideological variants. Not all of those groups celebrated or even knew who she was.

Personally, she didn’t make it into my bubble. I didn’t read Jezebel and I wasn’t on Twitter. My introduction to her work was when Shrill came to Hulu. For every millennial who calls West a hero, there’s an equal number who hear her name and shrug. Adult Braces cannot speak for a generation. It can only speak for Lindy West.

West wants Adult Braces to correct the record on Shrill’s happy ending. In an interview about her wedding, West said she wanted it to be a political act. In Adult Braces we see that marrying someone to make a point might not work out so well.

When they meet, Aham is fresh off a divorce. They break up, but get back together when Lindy’s father dies. As she grieves, Aham says they have to be non-monogamous if she wants him to stick around. He tells her monogamy is a form of ownership akin to slavery. Lindy says she can’t imagine life without Aham and assumes she just doesn’t get it because she’s a white woman from Seattle. Aham is mixed. His mother is a white American woman, but his father was Nigerian, so he must get these things more, we’re to assume.

So begins the path of coerced polyamory. The details on that aren’t great. Aham breaks her rules. He lies. He cheats. She finds out he has a girlfriend because a fan messages her. She finds out he has another girlfriend. She decides to go on a cross-country trip to figure out what she really wants. Along the way, she has some realizations. She feels like she’s a teenager, chasing unrequited love and her first kiss. She wonders what her life would be like if she were thin rather than look at who she actually is. It’s a heartbreaking read. She is all full of insecurities, but hasn’t reached the acceptance part of her journey even though she helped others get there.

Eventually, West makes her way back to Seattle and realizes all she wants is Aham. During her roadtrip, Aham and Roya have started flirting with Lindy via text. Aham orchestrates the careful exchanging of nudes. He tells Lindy that all he wants for his upcoming birthday is for Roya to visit. And so, the woman who just spent 300 pages showing us she’d put herself through hell for this man agrees. Lindy left to be alone, but never escapes Aham’s grip. There are no roadtrip hook-ups or flirty moments. In fact, West is disgusted by the idea of dating multiple men.

The idea of having another woman to handle a man though? Lindy realizes this is a benefit of ethical non-monogamy she can live with this. You see, Aham is a manbaby. For example, Lindy is an adult who wakes up and thinks about the things she has to do. She believes it is fair to ask her husband about these things in the morning. But, no. Aham can’t talk about anything serious before 10:00 am. If Lindy brings anything up before then, he will pout all day.

Never mind that Aham will apparently wake Lindy up at 5:30am to talk about basketball because that’s a sister wife duty that can be shared now:

Before Roya, Aham would beg Lindy to be sexy for him without giving her a space to feel sexy. Maybe he was too busy with his girlfriends to help his wife feel sexy and I think that makes him a pretty shitty husband on top of everything else.

Whatever. All of that is to say: What makes Aham so great? He rushes her into things. He doesn’t compromise. She’s at her lowest with him. But before Lindy can see if she might like a husband who can pay a bill at 9am, Roya (1st secret gf) enters. Roya’s presence makes Aham happy again. Lindy swears she hasn’t gotten lost in Aham, that this isn’t her losing herself, this is finding herself. She just happened to find herself right where Aham wanted.

We don’t learn much about Roya in the book even though Lindy is equally in love with her. Roya feels like a barely sketched out victim of unicorn hunting. If Aham was the trophy in Shrill, Roya is the trophy in Adult Braces. Roya is tiny, hot and goth. Roya is attracted to Lindy before she even meets her. That’s all Lindy thinks we need to know. Was Roya already polyamorous? How did she feel about Aham lying to Lindy? How do they support each other beyond Aham? If a man wrote about a woman the way West writes about Roya, 2010s Lindy West would’ve penned a scathing review in response!

SO BASICALLY they’re a polycule put together in a lab to combine every negative poly stereotype, the worst tropes of 2010s white feminism and just enough parasocial intrigue to create discourse.

Why Do People Care So Much?

Some people care because they think this represents the death of millennial feminism. Other people care because they hate that people are saying that. For some, Lindy West was their introduction to feminism and it’s hard to see she still deals with the insecurities she helped them overcome. If anything embodies the Girls quote, “I think that I may be the voice of my generation... or at least a voice of a generation,” it’s the fame 2010s online visibility provided writers like West. You really could be the voice of a niche micro-generation. So, I’m not downplaying what West was to her fans. I’m just not gonna act like her actions can tell us where an entire generation stands on feminism.

It’s also a useless way to engage with the book. Adult Braces is Lindy West begging us to let her be Lindy West, even if she doesn’t know who that is yet. This isn’t millennial feminism’s obituary it’s the outcome of a period that encouraged the blending of the personal and political across ideologies. For conservatives that can look like living the trad wife life, bulking up and living by the rules of the manosphere. For the left it can look like polycules and refusing to lose weight for fear of angering fans. It’s all performance for an audience.

It has nothing to do with left or right. It shows us the shallow outcome of making the personal political for social media. Both sides have fans who expect to see their heroes walk the walk online, even if it leads them off a cliff. In Lindy’s case, her marriage was proof of her worldview. If it ends in divorce, what will the trolls say? Will fans be let down? Adult Braces is a memoir about a woman who balances these groups on her shoulders in place of an angel and demon.

And if we’d left things there, this book would’ve left the zeitgeist last week.

OKAY!? So Why Do People STILL Care Then?

I know polyamory is still a big deal for some, but polyamory is not interesting enough to create this much discourse. Some people say it’s because people are uncomfortable seeing a fat girl win (or lose, depending on how you read the book.) Fatphobia absolutely plays a role in some responses to the book. However, some of the loudest critics have been fat women who aren’t uncomfortable with the book, they’re upset with throuple’s actions after the release.

The book initially received polite coverage! Slate wrote a profile that addressed the whole situation with empathy. It focused on Lindy and mentioned her partners are out of town working on a joint project. Lindy says she needs this book to float her family for awhile. Their response? They sent incredibly angry, rude emails. They called her bitter. They said she needed therapy. They basically insulted her in a way that 2010s Lindy West would not be okay with. How could people so progressive turn into incels over a perfectly fine profile?

In response, Aham said he meant to write “Free Palestine” in his email. In a since removed article, Lindy said it’s unfair to question Roya’s portrayal in the book because she’s Persian and the war is happening. She said it’s racist to ask if Roya and Aham contribute to “keeping the family afloat.” The throuple using political rhetoric to distract from their actions made everything worse. Slate updated the piece to include Aham’s email. A man embarrassing his wife during her book launch? The limits and hypocrisy of white feminism on display? It’s everything internet debates are made of.

Ok. So Do I Need To Read It?

If you want a juicy story about polyamory, you’ll be disappointed. If you want an empowering feminist tale, you will be disappointed. It’s about a woman who learns to be comfortable being at odds with herself if it pleases the person she loves. It’s about the ways we contort ourselves and convince ourselves we see something other than a mess. It’s about a woman who wonders if she’s an adult baby, but decides she likes being baby.

The writing is beautiful in sections. It’s also juvenile, like she uses her own writing as evidence she’s stuck in arrested development. In order to grow, she tries to free herself from the expectations of trolls and fans. By the end of her roadtrip, she decides the insecurities borne from her own expectations (a monogamous husband, feeling chosen, growing old and having kids) limit her more.

When the throuple sat down to write their emails to Slate, they had to know it would blow up. The attention economy sells books. I don’t think she expected this much attention, but what West writes about: being unable to see your worth because society has focused on your weight, race or class is an intersectional experience. You’ll probably relate to something in Adult Braces, just don’t go into it thinking it’s an advice book. Oddly enough, West did originally pitch it as a self-help book. I imagine that didn’t work when the prose made it obvious she’s still in need of help.

Anyway, I think it’s beautiful all of the internet has come together to unanimously say, Lindy, go find yourself, your husband is the problem. We promise, the divorce memoir will make you enough to cover alimony.

Updated to Add:

Lindy’s husband, Aham, released a movie in 2018 called Thin Skin. This was BEFORE Shrill. Lindy co-wrote it. It was based on a live stage show they did together. As Aham said in an interview, Lindy’s fingerprints are all over it. SO when I found out it was on Tubi last weekend, I had to watch it. I livetweeted the experience, but I’ll add some thoughts here.

The movie is autobiographical. Aham’s actual sister, Ijeoma Oluo, plays his sister (she’s also a famous writer, that is a whole other part of the story.) It’s about Aham finding out he has a brother in Africa, his father dying and supporting his 2 daughters after his divorce with a boring desk job. This is before Aham met Lindy. The movie is fine. It’s boring. Navel-gazing ending. It definitely treats Aham like a genius. At this point, he lives in his sister’s laundry room. She asks him to leave. Aham says his kids sleeping on her couch “is the most exciting thing that’s happened to you in years.”

He plays trumpet. He thinks he’s too talented to have a boring dayjob. He hangs out with comedians (also Hari, Dwayne, you’re AMAZING in this, the highlight). His mom is a very ignorant white woman who says she knows what it’s like to be black because she was married to a black man for 8 years. You get the sense film Aham and film Ijeoma hate their dad, but they hate their mom more and perhaps blame her for him leaving. She thinks the word “renege” is short for “renigger.” She wears full African dress after the father’s death, despite not going to the funeral. She’s a wounded bird adult baby who has pet snakes and can’t manage herself. Her kids seem resentful that they have to take care of this old, unwoke white lady.

After their father reconnects with them for the first time in years, Aham is open to talking while Ijeoma wants nothing to do with him (or any Nigerian man they come across). They have a phone call, but Aham’s father says he’s disappointed in him for being a musician because that’s not a real job. Aham internalizes this feeling and after finds out his dad has another son, who presumably didn’t disappoint their dad. Then his dad dies before Aham can ever prove himself.

The film’s climax is Aham’s rapid downward spiral when he’s diagnosed with an auto-immune disease from a doctor overprescribing antibiotics. This happened to Aham in real life. The disease made the skin fall off of his palms and the bottom of his feet. In other places, his skin would molt together. He’s unable to play music, work or eat food. His lips seal together at night and he has to cut them open with scissors. He had a 60% chance of dying (according to the movie.)

The film ends with a dream-future montage where he works through this illness, slowly pushes himself to play music again and creates the orchestral live show he always dreamed of. He goes back to being a father. It is interesting, though, that his daughters are not characters in the back end of the film. While he’s grappling with death and what he wants to leave on this earth, he doesn’t mention his daughters or providing for them. He doesn’t forgive their mother, the ex he blames for forcing him to live in his sister’s laundry room.

While ill, Movie Aham decides life is only worth living if you pursue your dreams. You can’t focus on proving yourself to others. You never know how much time you have. From there, real world Aham would go on to meet Lindy right after the above divorce and everything we know from Shrill and Adult Braces would come to pass.

It is a gorgeously shot film. It’s directed by Charles Mudede. He takes a very blah script and elevates it into something that is at least visually interesting. It’s also interesting that Lindy is a co-writer because it shows she is capable of writing an Aham that wins the audience’s sympathy. Lindy could’ve written a version of Adult Braces that acknowledges this context in Aham’s life. It’s a bit easier to understand why he’s so focused on his own desires and comforts when you see the discomfort he had to endure. Of course the guy who almost lost everything wants two girlfriends!

None of Thin Skin excuses Aham’s behavior in Adult Braces, but it does give us his villain origin story. Adult Braces makes it seem like Aham has some inherent disregard for monogamy because he’s half-Nigerian or because it’s ownership. Most people have pointed out how silly that is. Thin Skin presents an argument that Aham’s interest in ethical non-monogamy is driven by a fear to not be his father, the impact of his divorces and his near-death experience. His father abandoned their mother. Aham would never abandon the fragile white woman who depends on him so he found a way to bring her into his next relationship. He “moves so fucking fast” because he lives for the present.

If you want the full Adult Braces experience, it’s worth watching. If you don’t really care about the “why” behind Aham’s assholery, you definitely don’t need to watch it.

But…if you’re in the “Lindy knows what she’s doing” column with me, it’s telling that she leaves out these details that would’ve helped us feel sympathy for Aham while also begging us not to hate Aham. She must suspect that if they get a divorce, there will be conservative haters who say, “I told you so! He replaced her!” After Adult Braces, we know that’s not the situation. It was actually an issue of low self-esteem, manipulation and coercion. Fox News would run a banner celebrating her divorce.

Your Poly Big Sister

I’ve decided to bring back my polyamory advice column in the wake of all this. It’ll be in your weekly Hyperfix for subscribers. It turns out there’s still a lot of bad poly advice out there! In an interview, Lindy said polyamory is a great cure for codependence. NO IT IS NOT! DO NOT DO IT FOR THAT!

Have questions? Need guidance? Submit below. First round will be next week because I’m tired of typing the word poly rn.

Submit

Upcoming Shows in Los Angeles

3/15 - Sunday - Awards Show Watch Party! @ Dynasty Typewriter - 4pm

3/21 - Saturday - Something Else? REVENGE FANTASY @ Porter Street Studio - 8pm

3/29 - Sunday - Dungeon: Comedy Roleplaying Game @ Lyric Hyperion - 7:30pm

New Crafts

I’m still crafting to support good causes. I already told you I started making mini designer bag charms, but I am also continuing my SATC homage. I have finally made the Charlotte phone case and Marnie phone grip. It’ll be up later this week!

Reddit told me you can do sublimation on nylon tights, so I’m doing that. Can’t decide on a design to test first, so if you have any tight ideas, let me know.

check out more crafts

RANDOM

other fixations

Stuff I Got This Week

• Black. Single. Mother.: Real Life Tales of Longing and Belonging by Jamilah Lemieux. I love Jamilah’s work so I had to get this on the kindle ASAP.

• I finally went to Maru coffee in Los Feliz. I am sad to report it was worth the wait.

• I’ve been smoking a lot of Maven Genetics and recently started enjoying their Halos. It’s a rosin-infused pre-roll that is real tasty. I like French Diamonds.

Stuff I Did and Thought This Week

• Last night I did a show at Nico’s. I made a joke about looking like a goth Willy Wonka. It was a very whimsical look. Like I owned a Hot Topic that sold incense. Like someone at HBO said, “We need a Chris Fleming for black women! A middle-aged woman who can name all the Living Single characters!” and then when I got off stage someone was like “Did you know Chris was here?” I did not. I just started making fun of myself before I left the house. Anyway, Chris did let me know that he was thinking “I should wear more polka dots and velvet” when I said it.

• Stayed up all night watching Vladimir on Netflix even though it made me so angry. I’ve never hated a female character so much, but then I loved her.

• I don’t care what Timothee Chalamet thinks about ballet or the opera. Not at all. Not once. Not ever.

• I finally put some of my clothes on poshmark and depop! I will empty my closet and be one of those people with organized, signature pieces. I WILL.

• Secret Lives of Mormon Wives comes back tomorrow so I will have a reason to live again.

• I became a regular at a local restaurant I really like and this is one of the best things that has happened in my 7 years in Los Angeles.

• I put some new stuff in my Writer Resource Folder if you want some writing, acting, podcasting tips or you wanna read some scripts.

• Remember Girl Talk? idk why he’s just been on my mind.

spoilers below

Okay, let’s get into the real obsession of the week: Love is Blind. The reunion for the most boring season aired last night and it delivered very little. That’s what we all thought would happen. It was obvious this was not a successful season for the “experiment.” Only two couples ended up saying yes and only one made it to the reunion (Christine and Vic, duh.) Ohio should’ve been easy for Love is Blind. I’m from the Midwest. It’s very easy to fall in love there. All they had to do was swing through a cornfield and find a few guys with actual, real jobs. Instead we got a loser parade of wannabe manosphere influencers.

People said a lot about Traitors needing a tune up. As always, I think those people are wrong. Traitors is perfect and never needs to change. If any franchise is in need of help, it’s Love is Blind. Everything about it is tired now. The format, the contestants, the experiment? All bad. All of it just makes you roll your eyes and fast forward to the part someone online talked about. There are some easy, but major, changes the show could make to keep things interesting. The Ohio reunion didn’t inspire hope that Love is Blind would ever be brave enough to make those changes.

Love is Blind seems content to choose horrible, unemployed man-boys who will turn female contestants into social media superstars for enduring their behavior. This creates viral moments. It doesn’t create solid or interesting relationships. At the same time, no one wants to see average, boring people fall in love. They could find the balance between those things, but no. To up the drama, Love is Blind has started including people with kids. This is another mistake. There’s no world where it’s appropriate to marry someone who has only known your kid in person for less than a week. It’s not fair to the person with kids or anyone who might match with them.

The answer to fixing Love is Blind is actually in another Netflix show: Age of Attraction. After watching all of the available Age of Attraction episodes today, I think they could make one good dating show if you combined them.

Right now though? I can’t say either is worth the watch. What Age of Attraction gets wrong could help Love is Blind become relevant again.

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First! I have some shows coming up:

3/10 - 8PM - Horse Around Comedy - Los Angeles, CA

Anything else?

Still crafting to support good causes! I made little mini birkin and gucci phone and bag charms.

A lot of TV for ya, so let’s get right into it:

Netflix

Blue Therapy - They made Couples Therapy but for British people. It is very messy and everyone is way hotter than Couples Therapy. This show has everything: a man who pretends to go to work for 2 months, a man who lies about freezing his sperm and gets a secret vasectomy. These women are saints!

The Dinosaurs - This four episode documentary was pretty great. I’m so glad I’m not a dinosaur. Honestly seems like things mostly sucked for them.

A Friend, A Murderer - True crime doc about a 17-year old girl who goes missing. It’s mostly frustrating because the cops, like usual, do a horrible job.

The TikTok Killer - This is the creepiest fucking documentary I’ve ever seen. This serial killer in Mexico got out and became TikTok famous while still murdering. He told his followers he was trying to find his missing friend, but it was clear he killed her. Her family had to follow his social media to get evidence.

Bridgerton - Well I thought this season was a snooze, but I’m glad everything worked out for everyone.

Love Is Blind - Everyone got married who we thought would get married. The reunion isn’t very exciting, but we’ll be tuned in this week.

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This was going to be a thing about Heated Rivalry, SNL and why people can’t seem to be normal about the show. That’s not even a top I particularly care about. It seems pretty obvious that love+hot actors=success and infatuation. I’m making crafts making fun of it. Your mom knows about it. Also so many other…

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Need some TV recommendations to start off the week? I got a lot for ya. Here’s some TV Quick Takes:

Netflix

Love is Blind
Ohio is NOT for lovers! We’re dealing with some of the worst men in the series. There are only 2 couples that seem like they might make it to the end. There are 6 couples where they very clearly and outwardly hate each other. Incredible TV.

Strip Law
MY NEW FAVORITE ADULT ANIMATED SHOW!! Look, it’s made by some of the funniest people. Some of my favorite people also did voice acting in it. Every scene has about 200 jokes and you won’t catch them all until your third watch.

Grey’s Anatomy
Eric Dane died so my entire twitter feed has been Grey’s Anatomy. I decided to rewatch the Plane Crash Episode to destroy myself with tears. God it holds up. Shonda, you are a sadist.

Bridgerton
It’s back on Thursday! The weird like, 2nd part of this weird season about the brother we all thought was gay. I’m not having a great time! Make him gay!

Hulu

Paradise
Holy shit holy shit holy shit. PARADISE IS BACK. They gave us THREE WHOLE EPISODES. They’re incredible. Why didn’t that girl use some of Elvis’ condoms?!?!

Universal Basic Guys
I am probably still the only person watching this show. I’m laughing. I don’t think it’ll get another season sadly. Welcome to the FOX animation domination cemetery.

Love Story: JFK Jr. and Carolyn
Perfect soundtrack. Beautiful cinematography. Incredible performances. Is it an imaginary retelling of a less than perfect love story about a man whose hubris killed his wife and her sister? Yeah! Why deal with the facts! My biggest complaint so far is that the show seems to be sticking with the lie that the flight left late because Carolyn kept changing her nail colors. The flight left late because Carolyn’s sister had to work late and JFK left his office late. If the show doesn’t get into the specifics of how JFK Jr. was entirely at fault, that’ll really suck.

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Well. Happy one year anniversary to the last HYPERFIX! Remember when we were so stoked on the first season of The Pitt? Grey’s Anatomy being good again (it’s not good anymore)? Wow. Time flies.

If you forgot, Hyperfix is a weekly update on the things I’m currently obsessing over, made real quick for you. I’ve gotten into some crazy things since we l…

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Reality Check: Inside America’s Next Top Model is out today on Netflix. It’s been hotly awaited since the trailer was released a few months ago. During the pandemic, there was an ANTM resurgance. This documentary might lead you to believe a bunch of bored, too woke m…

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What are you watching? What do you wanna talk about? Let me know!

www.youtube.com/@tvisay

So sorry this week’s HYPERFIX is coming at you in the evening! Honestly? I am in an intense Duolingo battle right now with a guy who will NOT stop trying to come for my #1 spot. My usual writing time had to go to that. Obviously.

This week, let’s talk about The Pitt, three new true crime documentaries and other TV things. Also, if you’re in NYC or LA, I have some shows coming up. Look at that beautiful Flex line-up.

Upcoming Comedy Shows

Get tickets below:

2/27 - Los Angeles - The Elysian Theater
3/6 - New York City - FLEX at Knockout Women’s Comedy Festival

The Pitt (Max)

I switched up my Substack because I didn’t want to focus on TV anymore. It’s not my fault that TV is so fucking back, I have no choice but to tell you about it.

I’ll admit that all of YOU told me about this one, actually. I was slow to watch this. I wasn’t in the mood for another hospital drama. As I’ve said many times, I still watch Grey’s Anatomy. A few people on Bluesky begged me to check it out. Thank god for them. I love The Pitt. This show is incredible.

It’s not ER. It’s not Grey’s Anatomy. It’s The Pitt. Each episode is one hour in the day of a group of ER doctors and medical students. Noah Wyle plays Dr. Robby, a near perfect man. We follow him on the anniversary of his mentor’s death. He’s clearly not over it. He’s tense. He’s on edge. He’s also the best goddamn doctor they’ve got. He’s basically Meredith Grey.

I fell in love immediately and watched 7 episodes in a day. Watching it is an experience, so I don’t want to say too much. Go watch it, we’ll have a real discussion after the finale.

NECESSARY DOCUMENTARIES

I watch too many documentaries. Here are my thoughts.

American Murder: Gabby Petito, 2025 (Netflix)

The latest installment of American Murder takes on the Gabby Petito case. I’ve enjoyed this series. American Murder has done a great job centering the stories of victims and working with families. The other two installments, Laci Peterson and The Family Next Door both seek to correct the record to defend Peterson and Shanann Watts. Gabby Petito’s documentary attempts to do the same, to mixed results.

Because this case is so recent, most people know the details. Instead, they focus on Gabby as a person through her friends and videos. This is one of the better parts of the documentary, though there’s some controversy there. Gabby’s family allowed them to use her letters and text messages. Rather than hire a voice actor to read them like most true crime docs, American Murder used AI to recreate Gabby’s voice. Her family also approved of that, but it definitely brings up some ethical questions.

I don’t mind the use of AI here. I can understand if the family didn’t want to hear actors try to sound like their daughter. Netflix has gone too far before, though. In the documentary What Jessica Did, they used AI to create fake pictures of her. That’s not okay. That’s just unethical. An AI voice to read texts and letters the person actually wrote? It’s different.

People on Twitter said they should just show the text and let people read it so that the victim’s “voice isn’t stolen.” Well, first of all, Netflix would hate that because they know you’re looking at your phone and not the TV screen. Then there’s y’know, people who struggle with reading. And people who are vision impaired and use audio descriptions on their TV. It feels like this reaction is mostly driven by people hating all things AI. I also hate all things AI. At the same time, I cannot understand why people have an issue with this, but had no issue with voice actors doing it for decades. Were they “stealing the victim’s voice”?

Outside of the AI issue, this doc is great at laying out the full story. It mostly lets the evidence speak for itself. The full bodycam footage when the cops pull them over is difficult to watch. Some new details are shared around the timeline, but it doesn’t try to tease a big reveal. This is the story of Gabby and what domestic violence looks like. Her family wanted her texts and letters shared because they really showcase how controlling and manipulative Brian was.

My biggest issue? The doc’s ending. The final message is that Gabby always wanted to be a content creator. When she died, she only had one video on her YouTube with ~400 views. Now, the video has over 7 million views. The doc tries to make this feel good, but it’s just crass. They could’ve ended on the work of the Gabby Petito Foundation and efforts to help women of color who are missing. Instead, they want us to smile because she got internet famous in death?

It’s worth watching if you want to know about the case, but it isn’t as good as the other entries in the American Murder series.

The Fox Hollow Murders, 2025 (Hulu)

Did you know the largest collection of unidentified bones after 9/11 is from some guy’s house in Indiana? In 1996, Herb Baumeister allegedly killed two dozen men and buried them in his backyard. His wife had no idea he was doing this or that he was gay. She did, however, call police when their son found a human skull in the yard.

After one victim managed to escape and go to police (that is a wholeeee other part of the story), police go to the guy’s estate, Fox Hollow. They immediately find over 10,000 bone fragments. They find so many bones, the state of Indiana decides they don’t want to deal with identifying them and the family can pay for DNA testing if they think one of them might be their missing relative.

Because it was assumed all the victims were gay men, the cops did not care. Now, a new coroner is trying to test and identify all the remains. The cops cared so little about this case, they didn’t even arrest Herb when they found a graveyard at his house. They did have a warrant, so they let him go. He went on the run and eventually killed himself in Canada. He left behind a lot of questions, but new information hints that there could be a possible accomplice.

This doc is great. They take time to tell the stories of the identified victims. Their families share what it means to find them and have their story told.

Who Is Luigi Mangione? (Max)

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Happy first month of HYPERFIX!! I hope my fixations have made you feel less alone. Or inspired you to learn a language, watch a documentary or climb Mt. Everest. I’m excited about a lot of things right now, so we should probably just get into it.

Also, again: Are you following me on Bluesky? Or Threads? or Substack? Or TikTok? Or beehiiv? Or Patreon…

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In 2023, Ashley went on a new first date every week of the year until she fell in love. In 2025, she’s revisiting these weekly pieces on Deep Trouble to see how well this experiment really worked.

Originally published 2/9/2023, Updated on 2/10/2025

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We have another Feeld date ,everyone! This is my 2nd Feeld date since starting this. This one was more the usual Feeld speed. Honestly, getting coffee with the first Feeld date might’ve been the first time I’ve ever done that with that app. Usually, Feeld dates want to meet up late at night.

Also, who can remember? I’ve been on Feeld since it was 3ndr. I have made some of my best friends and greatest enemies thanks to that app. For someone like me (polyamorous, bisexual, etc.1), Feeld dates are usually great! It’s the app I used to recommend most to people who want to try non-monogamy or something else less mainstream.

If you’re unfamiliar, Feeld started as an app for unicorn-hunting couples (3ndr). Then it evolved (and got sued into changing its name) into an an app for queers, open marriages, non-monogamous demisexuals, fetishists and just straight up kinky people who know how to communicate. And also a lot who do NOT know how to communicate (it’s still a dating app). At its core, though, it’s an app for people who do not need me to define what any of the above terms mean. Tinder, Bumble, Hinge…it requires so much Polyamory 101 moments. It can be tiring.

In 2024, Feeld rebranded again into the inclusive dating app for cool sexy city people. They make a magazine called AFM (A Fucking Magazine), with advice and essays. They throw Manhattan parties with Woody Allen in attendance. The user interface has been updated, causing constant bugs and issues. It’s not the app I recommend as much anymore because it’s been overrun with straight couples unicorn hunting and fuckboys. Of course, I could be biased.

Before this pivot, Feeld did local queer events in different cities (including comedy shows hosted by yours truly). It created a user base that felt organic and true to the local poly/kink scene. You’d see people at shows, then you’d see them on the app. Now, it feels like the app wants to attract people who are impressed by the big names they publish or invite to literary salons. There are fewer people from the actual scene and more people seeking experiences they’ve only read about.

It also isn’t as hard out here for us non-monogamous people or kinksters these days. My friends say Hinge and all the popular dating apps have added non-monogamy and kink options. You don’t have to feel like a little freak forced to use one app anymore.

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Welcome to another HYPERFIX!! This week we’re talking OJ Simpson, Paradise and Lily Collins’ surrogacy. Perfectly uncontroversial topics.

Also, are you following me on Bluesky? Or Threads? or Substack? Or TikTok? Or beehiiv? Or Patreon? Or hell, even Rednote? You can even hit me up on Duolingo. Or anywhere that is not Twitter. Because I just can’t d…

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In 2023, Ashley went on a new first date every week of the year until she fell in love. In 2025, she’s revisiting these weekly pieces on Deep Trouble to see how well this experiment really worked.

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Welcome back to HYPERFIX and thanks for your positive comments on this new format. It’s been fun moving all my thoughts from Twitter to a long-form platform!

This week’s fix is for paid subscribers. Let’s get into some reality TV show thoughts, whether my dentist lied about mouthguards, Ozempic, pot and some docs.

Also did you know Tim Allen is on TV…

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In 2023, Ashley went on a new first date every week of the year until she fell in love. In 2025, she’s revisiting these weekly pieces on Deep Trouble to see how well this experiment really worked.

Originally published 1/30/2023, Updated on 1/27/2025

I’m also donating my Substack from this month to wildfire mutual aid, so if you subscribe right now, it’s for a good cause.

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Hey! Thought I finally gave up on this? Thought a man I rejected murdered me1? No! I just stacked up some dates and then went into hibernation mode because I got my period. But Ashley, you’re a modern woman, a feminist, what’s wrong with dating on your period or period sex? Well, nothing! It’s just that I personally have endometriosis, so physical movement hurts during that time of the month. I need to stay home with a heating pad because my body is actively fighting against me.

I knew I’d be out of commission, so I used the previous week to pile up on coffee dates and drinks. That’s my preferred style of date. Meet someone, enjoy a drink, get on with your day. If things click? Keep hanging out! Make more plans! Everyone takes dating (and everything) too seriously now. Popping in from 2025 to mention the latest wild thing I’ve seen online: everyone is mad about this guy who posted a pic of his friend who was excited his girlfriend got an IUD. A thing that has nothing to do with anyone else is making people mad because it “centers” a man’s pleasure.

People get IUDs for so many reasons. In fact, I switched from copper to hormonal a few months ago. It helped with the endometriosis I mentioned above. But also, women enjoy sex too. It seems very likely this was a choice she made for her own reasons. There was also a thread where people were shocked by the number of men the women in Sex and the City slept with. They were like, the women in this show about sex are having too much sex. Someone broke it down and pointed out Miranda is a women in her 30s and that averages to about 3 men a year.

I know the conservatives have one, but it’s wild that even something like birth control is questioned as anti-feminist now. I do not get what is going on. Oh well.

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This season’s traitors have no clue what they’re doing. This show has been on for two seasons now, but most of the people who go on clearly do not watch the show. You might think that’s a problem. It would be horrible if someone went on Survivor or Big Brother and had little to no knowledge of the game! But, this is how Traitors thri…

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Welcome to HYPERFIX, a subset of Deep Trouble. Some of you have asked for weekly recommendation lists of the documentaries, TV shows, and other weird things I’m into. This is that! Also, I think Substack has made it mandatory to do these little recommendation list things, so whatever.

A friend said they love following me because they get to see what…

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In 2023, Ashley went on a new first date every week of the year until she fell in love. In 2025, she’s revisiting these weekly pieces on Deep Trouble to see how well this experiment really worked.

Subscribed to 52 First Dates last year? You get Deep Trouble free for 3 months! Check your inbox for details, you should already be subscribed.

Originally published 1/17/2023, Updated on 1/20/2025

Also, consider donating to these GoFundMes to help people who’ve lost their homes! I’m also donating my Substack from this month to wildfire mutual aid, so if you subscribe right now, it’s for a good cause.

I know I said only a week ago that flirting was fun again, but I burned through that like a copy of Spare1. Once you get back into the rhythm of checking dating apps, replying to texts and actually going out to meet people, the thrill goes away quickly. In fact, friends quickly pointed out that one date a week was actually pretty low for me. Hell, in my twenties, I used to stack multiple dates into a day2. I saw a woman do this on Tiktok and people were VERY angry with her as though this were a new thing she invented, but people across the gender spectrum have been doing this for centuries.

Checking in from 2025 here to say that a clear example of this is pretty much how mad Twitter gets any time I mention polyamory. They simply cannot think of a reality where a woman knows she is polyamorous, is happy with that choice and is so firm in it, she can joke about it. It’s a reminder of just…how online the whole being online thing is. I can’t say in my actual every day life any online conversation around my relationships has been accurate.

Recently, I haven’t wanted to go on 52 first dates, but I have wanted to socialize again. It’s been years since I’ve cared enough about going out to have a regular dive bar. I hangout with my friends and the people I like, but I used to be outside. Just truly, outside. If I can read 100 dumb opinions a day on Twitter, why not go outside and meet people who probably won’t have very online opinions? I still live in Los Angeles, but it’s gotta be better than reading tweets from people who weren’t alive during the Bush administration.3

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In 2023, Ashley went on a new first date every week of the year until she fell in love. In 2025, she’s revisiting these weekly pieces on Deep Trouble to see how well this experiment really worked.

Subscribed to 52 First Dates last year? You get Deep Trouble free for 3 months! Check your inbox for details, you should already be subscribed.

Originally published 1/9/2023, Updated on 1/13/2025

Wildfires have recently destroyed parts of my current home, Los Angeles. It feels like perfect timing that my post about falling in love with Los Angeles before I could actually find love here is being reposted.

I love LA and ask you to consider donating to these GoFundMes to help people who’ve lost their homes!

I’m only 9 days into this little “experiment,” but I have reached my first noticeable milestone: flirting is fun again. I’ve always liked flirting. I used to be really good at flirting, back in the day. Back before I stopped leaving my house. When I still enjoyed people being closer than 6ft to me. When I started dating again post-vaccine, I knew I was rusty that summer of 2021. I just said and did so many embarrassing things. One time a girl kissed me and I said, “Good stuff. Gang. Gang.”

I felt so out of practice with flirting and casual conversation, I dated someone for months just because I liked that I felt invisible around them. I could say nothing and they didn’t care. Sometimes, I felt like I could just disappear in that moment and they probably wouldn’t notice. Hell, I don’t even think they knew my actual name.

I remember asking them how they felt about polyamory and monogamy. They asked me why? I said because I’m polyamorous (a fact that is clear on all of my dating profiles, social media, and if you listen to me talk about my past for at least 10 minutes1), so maybe we should be on the same page? They were shocked: almost six months into our relationship, they had not noticed this about me or remembered I ever said it.

I wasn’t even mad. I was just happy I could exist around someone who did not care to listen to me, Google me, read my tweets or show any interest in me. It was a no pressure situation. We smoked pot, watched TV and I played with his dog. We didn’t go out. There was no pressure to escalate the relationship or meet each other’s friends.

Sometimes you need that. Post-COVID solitude, this was a great way to ease back into being around new people. Obviously, now, I’m in a healthier place and I enjoy the company of people who, y’know, actually notice me and even like me, but at the time, that was what I needed.

Now that I’m actually forcing myself to date with intention, though? Oh god, flirting is necessary. Flirting over dating apps. Flirting over text. Flirting over a drink. It turns out I’m not the only person who got bad at flirting, though! I am running into so many people on the apps who simply do not know what they are doing!

Often, men think flirting is just bragging about themselves or saying something way too sexual. Taking the time to actually find people I have e-flirt energy with has been helpful. And, it’s how I found my second date.

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In 2023, Ashley went on a new first date every week of the year until she fell in love. In 2025, she’s revisiting these weekly pieces on Deep Trouble to see how well this experiment really worked.

Subscribed to 52 First Dates last year? You get Deep Trouble free for 3 months! Check your inbox for details, you should already be subscribed.

Subscribe now

Originally published 1/7/2023, Updated on 1/6/2025

I’m doing this project because I’ve had the hardest time forcing myself to get out into the world since the pandemic. I’m happy! Life is great! I saw that tiktok where the guy is like “I think I healed too much cuz…I don’t like anyone,” laughed and went “same.” But, true healing is when you look at the world and the people in it with openness and optimism, right? I guess. I am trying. Just like, not too hard.

For my first date, I played it very casual. I tried scheduling and arranging a date for the week, but that was pretty difficult. Usually, I use dating apps the way most people do: chat a bit and let’s hook up TONIGHT. I’m not looking for midnight apartment visits, though. I want real dates! Like the great Meredith Grey said: I want heat, romance. Let’s grab a coffee or a drink. Let’s see a movie or go dance. These are things that require planning.

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